The List

One day as I was reflecting on my life lived so far
I realized that I hadn't really lived my life
and then I had a thought
just as I saw all the people that I knew
carrying on with their life having found some references to live with in their life

and I became so angry that I punched my desk
and said to myself
this wont do..this simply wont do..
lets make a list of the references what one needs to live and
find them and lets start living life before it ends.

So I took a pen and paper and started writing, compiling the references..
So I said..Life begins with breathe so I wrote it down...to breathe freely
and I started breathing heavily for next few moments in and out..
but it didn't end there for it would have to be done throughout my life..
so this item would have to be kept unchecked


then I said...maybe there is Love too..
so I wrote..To Love..as many as I can..
and I started loving everybody..from the next instance..
and I loved plenty..in hope that I will help them blossom with my love..
but not every steam turned into flower
and some flowers had big thorns that cut my flesh, heart


then came learning..I wrote it down
and I said.lets learn whatever there is to learn in life..
and I read books, people minds, hearts, and mine as well
and as I read more and more of all of these..it dawned on me..
that the knowing never ends.

then came a tough part...for it involved money
and I wrote down money..
but it wasn't easy earning money as it was to write it down..
sometimes one had to cheat ones own soul to earn money..
and it required more than just skill, honesty & heart..

So I got more angry than what I was at the start of the list
for I couldn't done with even one item in my list so far.
so I tore the list the into small pieces
and now I live just how it was with me all this while
from moment to moment from darkness and light..
in love and fear..just by being myself.


**
For years I have been wanting to write this poem having bit humor and some pain in life too..involving my life journey and how I wanted to find those references in my life and fulfill my life with it..and its such a paradox..the list, references..and our attempts..

I was reflecting on it on Sunday. as again not sure whether this is a complete poem of not..maybe there is something missing in it..I don't know..what matters is that I created something...gave a life..three poems in one day!!!

It took me months to write, come up with one poem..so today i am excited..lets see..if these poems have any life in them or not..